"Petunia Pickles"
Acrylic

Earlier today I stopped in a dress shop to give measurements for my bride's maid dress. After stripping down and sucking-in inside the dressing room the sweet girl measuring me informed me that to be safe I might want to go up a size. The size I was wearing was snug, but I figured I'm bloated, full, tired, not in shape, etc. I would be smaller before the wedding.
She seemed to be reading my thoughts and rolled her eyes. I explained that of course I would lose the extra lbs. The event was too important not too, but she looked bored as if she had heard it all before. I caved and went with the next size, which she informed while walking away, would be thirty more dollars. Wonderful.